The Perfect Man

I was recently asked what “the perfect guy” meant to me. What qualities would my dream guy have? What do I look for in a guy?

But I think the key word here is “guy”. I’m not looking for a guy; I’m looking for a man.

I’ve dealt with all kinds of guys; the jerk, the clinger, the cocky one. I’m just over it. I know it goes both way, like we can’t expect a guy to be a gentleman while we don’t act like ladies, but I’ve crossed that line of understanding what I’m worth and what I deserve. I’ve also dealt with enough boys to realize that I am past putting up with their childish ways. If you want me to be a part of your life then you have to make an effort. If a man isn’t ready for that then just don’t waste my time?

I do know that all I really want in a man is loyalty, friendship, adventure, and laughter.

I’m not asking for my life to be a Nicolas Sparks book, I realize that movies have given girls an unrealistic expectation for relationships, but it’s not hard to just be a nice person. And if you’re not ready to be kind and honest then just go be a douche bag somewhere else,  because if a man isn’t ready to be committed to a woman…then he shouldn't commit to a woman.

The perfect man to me is someone who cares. He cares about his family, or when he sees someone in pain, he cares about my feelings, and he cares about his own. The perfect guy likes to laugh until his stomach hurts. He likes coffee. He definitely likes to bring me coffee. He enjoys new ideas, new moments, and new adventures. But he also cherishes the inside jokes and routine date nights. The perfect guy is a thinker; he’s not bottled up in his own world. He pays attention to what I say, but most importantly he is interested. The perfect guy is honest. He doesn’t have to promise you the moon because when you’re with him he illuminates the darkness around you. He will never cheat on you physically or emotionally. The perfect guy makes you feel safe.

But the truth is; love is hard. The better you know someone the more flaws you are going to discover. That’s why the longer a relationships lasts, whether it be your child, husband, girlfriend, the harder it is to maintain what you felt in the beginning. You start to see their flaws; they don’t text you back for hours on end, or they interrupt you mid-sentence, but I think love is seeing all of these things and not jumping ship. It’s seeing someone’s darkness and creating light. But the terrible thing is, we build up this suit of armor to hide ourselves, all of our flaws, emotions, and then one stupid person has the ability to tear it all down and you’re left exposed. And while you’re exposed they gain the chance to either rip you apart or love you for what they see.

For the longest time I felt like I had to have another person to feel complete. I relied on my boyfriend to make me happy. I lost sight of the things I loved to do for me. It has taken me a very long time, too long in fact, to realize that I don’t need someone else. The only person who can make me truly happy is me. Loving a guy who ended up not loving me catalyzed into me loving myself. I loved him with everything inside of me, but I can’t force someone to feel the same way about me, and I shouldn’t have to. Don’t get me wrong; you don’t NEED someone else, but having someone who is there to hug you when you’re sad, be silly with, or just be utterly yourself is the best thing in the world to experience.

I guess the reason I’m writing this piece is to tell everyone that you’re more incredible than you realize. Your worth is not determined by how some asshole treated you. Everyone forgets how beautiful they are. I promise there is someone out there who will see your face and think beams of gold shine out of it. Someone is going to think you are the most amazing, perfect, and unbelievable person they have ever met. Just think about how much you loved the wrong person, and then try to realize how much more you’ll be able to love the right one. I’ve spent too many nights wondering why I wasn’t good enough for him to call me back, why I wasn’t pretty enough to be the only girl he noticed, why I wasn’t funny enough for him to laugh at my jokes. If you feel like that while dating a guy, it’s not that you aren’t good enough; he’s just not the right man for you. It took me a long time to figure out that all of those thoughts that haunted me were pure crap.

I didn’t believe in love. Maybe I was just too scared, or I had too many bad experiences, but I laughed at marriage or having a soul-mate. And then one person came along and had the most didactic way about him regarding love. Love is real. It may be different for everyone. People show love in the craziest of ways, simple gestures, grand gestures, maybe no gestures. But it’s always there.

There are so may kisses, laughs, late night coffee trips, new restaurants, rainy days, books to read, and smiles to crack.

There’s just so much life to live.

Please just try to realize that life goes on. My world stopped when I lost the guy I was in love with. Every single day I miss going to our favorite restaurant, singing our duets in the car, trying new flavors of cupcakes, and just having a best friend. Right now I’m feeling everything and nothing all at once. You can love a person, but at the same time all you want is to hate them. But all I can tell myself is there is so much more to experience. 

Life has so much to offer; it’s like this giant lemon, mostly sour, sometimes sweet, but we need to squeeze every freaking drop out of it. Just take the time to breath, explore, and love yourself.

It's the Little Things

Little moments that are completely underrated:

1. The smell of brewing coffee

2. When a song finishes at the exact time you pull into the driveway

3. Making someone laugh

4. Lying in bed after taking a shower

5. When you see your waiter bringing the food

6. Having a warm towel wrapped around you after getting out of the shower

7. Long hugs

8. Staying home on a rainy day

9. Finishing a great book

10. When someone looks at you and smiles simply because you're smiling 

11. The sound of a basketball swishing perfectly through the net

12. Wearing new clothes

13. Holding hands

14. Finding money you forgot about

15. Nailing all the words to a rap song

16. The smell of the beach

17. Warm paper fresh out of the copy machine

18. Sitting next to someone on a plane that doesn't want to talk

19. Back scratches

20. Keyboards that "click" perfectly under your fingers

21. When someone spells your name right

22. Waking up early but feeling like you had enough sleep

23. Jumping into a swimming pool when it's 100 degrees out

24. Listening to the perfect song with your windows down

25. Long conversations late at night

26. Waking up and realizing you have several more hours to sleep

27. Eating the cherry from your sundae

28. When someone gives you the cherry from their sundae

29. Sitting on a patio with no sense of time

30. Realizing things will be okay

31. Having a full tank of gas

32. The seat in front of you being unoccupied at functions

33. Realizing it's Happy Hour at Sonic

34. Free WIFI

35. When you've had water stuck in your ear all day and it finally trickles out and creates a warm sensation

36. When the person in front of you in the drive through pays for your Starbucks

37. Every stop light is green that you go through
38. A kiss in the rain

It really is the little things that mean the most. When we look back, the little things were really the big things all along.

What I've Learned from Taking a Year Off

This past year I took some time off from attending college. Throughout the year I would see pictures of my friends at school functions and be jealous that I wasn’t in their positions. The year seemed to drag on forever, but now that I’m moving into my dorm in less than 60 days the year feels like it flew by. Whenever I would talk to my friends about my life and what I was up to they would always respond, “That is so cool!” and I was baffled by how many kids think working an “adult” job is cool. But then I realized I used to be that kid. When you’re younger the idea of having a job, no curfew, your own place, and no one to tell you what to do seems like the best thing that could happen to you. Once I was finally in that position I realized how much it sucks. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very nice to be able to do what I want, but I think I would trade that for a home cooked meal by my mom any day. So for those of you that haven’t experienced living on your own or paying bills; here’s some advice:

 

1.       Being an Adult is Awful

I wake up every morning and go to a 9 am to 5 pm job. I go home, cook, clean, shower, and sleep. Then I repeat the process. Of course I have the ability to go places and do new activities. But I don’t. I was stuck in the same routine. What we don’t realize while we are young is that even though we may have the freedom to do whatever we want as adults, we don’t. Responsibilities get in the way. Bills get in the way. Life gets in the way. Also, you’ll finally have money and feel all fresh and cool, but do you get to buy new clothes? No, you have to spend it on new tires, a vacuum, or groceries. My advice is to never grow up. Of course, it’s inevitable that we all have to mature and have these responsibilities, but all I’m telling you is that there really isn't anything glamorous about it. Even though I’m grateful for a job, it’s helped me realize what I don’t want to do for the rest of my life. So savor those home cooked meals, free WIFI, all inclusive housing plans, and care free attitudes.

 

2.       Love isn’t Easy

I've learned that really nothing comes easily in life. You have to work for it. Being in a relationship with someone for a long amount of time taught me so many things about myself. I definitely learned the bad; I am jealous, I send too many texts, I’m insecure, and I don’t smile enough. But I also learned some really great things about myself; I like to make people laugh, I have a kind heart, and I’m worth it. I learned that even if you truly love someone, you can’t change them.  But not only that, you shouldn't want to change them. No matter whom you’re dating they are going to do many annoying, maddening, things, but you have to learn to see the good instead of the bad. My boyfriend happened to be a terrible communicator and that really festered inside of me for a long time, but then I realized I can’t just focus on the bad, so I started to see how smart he is instead. When he did communicate it was always bright and interesting thoughts. So my advice on love is to try to see the good in the other person. The work you put into a relationship will show.

 

3.       Family is Important

No matter how ready you are to fly from the nest I promise you will miss your family. I haven’t even moved out yet and I miss them. There are important reasons to miss them, like you've known them your whole life and they’re obligated to be there for you. But I think the times I will miss them most are because of the little moments. I’ll miss the smell of pumpkin in the fall, making goofy faces for the camera, watching Grey’s Anatomy with my mom, having someone ask, “What did you learn at school today?”, Cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning, breakfast for dinner, baking chocolate chip cookies 24/7, and so much more. So just try to realize how great your family is. We’re growing older, but so are our parents. And even though I’m ready for a new adventure; I wish I had just a little more time with them.

 

4.      Don’t Underestimate a Home-cooked Meal

I've stated this in the above paragraphs, but this shows you how serious I am about it. Jack in the Box’s tacos is not real food. I’m pretty sure it’s dog food slapped onto a folded greasy chip.  When all you have in your fridge is ketchup and cheese you’ll be missing those vegetables you refused to eat as a child.

 

5.       Things never go how you expect them to

No matter how planned out your budget is, or how detailed of a grocery list things will not go how you expect them to. Life throws you curves and it will always be that way.  

 

6.       Adults are just as immature as we are

Working with adults who are all 35+ I figured there wouldn't be any drama, rumors, or cliques. Wrong. Drama never ends. So if you’re thinking that after high school you won’t have to deal with that snotty girl; you’re wrong. The only thing we can do is try to be more mature than them. I know it’s hard. But try.

 

7.      Adults are still figuring it out too

Being Key Club President I attended monthly Kiwanis meetings (old people who like to serve the community). I was asked to stand up, introduce myself, and say what I interested in career wise. I was 17, how would I know? So I said just that, “I don’t know what I want to be”. After the meeting a gentleman came up to me and said, “Don’t worry honey, I’m 65 and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up”. I’ll never forget him saying that to me. So whenever you get scared just picture the ominous old man with his philosophical words and feel a little better.

 

 

I realize this list isn't very inspirational, and you probably are googling “Never Land” right now, but it isn't all bad. I promise we are all going to be okay. Even though the bills, deadlines, and jobs might sucks it’s still what you make of it. And the people who are by your side make it every bit worth it.

I think maybe my blog has been just a little too positive lately, and if you know me at all that's just not who I am. Here's a rant about my top 10 pet peeves in no particular order.

1. Grammar

This annoyance ranges from incorrect forms of "your" to the abbreviations people use. I'm not really sure what is being taught in elementary schools anymore but I promise it is not grammar. I don't want to say, "Every single thing" I read is grammatically incorrect but it's pretty close. I'm just genuinely confused why it's hard to remember that "you're" stands for "you are"? Why is "their", "there", and "they're" so confusing? Also, it's "before" not "B4"; we speak English not bingo.







2. Slow Walkers

Maybe you genuinely enjoy walking 1 mph across the street while noticing the lovely pavement, but I promise the 30 cars piled up needing to get somewhere don't appreciate it. Could you maybe just go walk slowly in your driveway? Same effect, I think. 

3. Toilet Paper

Just put the toilet paper into the holder the correct way. I mean it's the little things in life. Just do it. And if you aren't going to take the time to put it in the holder the correct way then at least place it on top facing the toilet user. THANKS.

4.Talking over my music

Ultimately, I just want someone who knows what songs to not talk over. I really like this Adele mashup, okay? 

5. Being constantly on your phone

I get it, we live in a technology run world. I am victim to being on my phone, but there's a line. Just try to have a conversation with me, please. I'm kind of interesting, I promise.

6. Playing dumb

"Like I literally can't even". I've never really understood why some people would want to diminish their intelligence for any reason. I've never met a guy who said, "It's so hot to be stupid". So I just don't get it? Maybe it's the innocence act, or the whole giggling thing, but you should probably stop.

7. Guys

Okay, you're not all that bad. Just put the toilet seat down please.

8. People who know everything

Just let me finish my sentence. Everyone has opinions, but geez, can I just complete a sentence before you cut me off? Also, you may know quite a bit, but you don't know everything. I have just as much knowledge to share as you do, sir. (I refer to a man because that is most commonly the case). 

9. Talking during a movie

Look, I've seen just as much of this movie as you have. And if you don't get it by now, you never will. Just jot down your notes and we can talk after, okay? And don't touch me. 

10. Bad drivers

Actually, just drivers in general. If you've ever ridden in the car with me you're familiar with my, "What are you doing?" expression. Also the, "uhhh okay?" is pretty popular. Sometimes I just don't get the world. I really do try, but there are people who I just don't know how to deal with emotionally. I guess they truly think they're the only ones driving? No one else is around them:? Why did you pull out in front of me and there iS NO ONE BEHIND ME. 

Why can't I be as thin as my patience?

Sob Post

Recently, I've had to learn that not everyone keeps their promises, life doesn't go the way we expect, and the people who you think love you will change their minds. But I've found one exception to that statement; my best friends. Growing up we think we know who our "BFFs" are. I mean honestly, freshman year, if a girl went to lunch with me one day I would consider her a "close friend". But this year has demonstrated to me the people who actually care. The people who will answer your call at 3 am, show interest in your passions, hold you when you're crying, laugh at nothing, and be the silliest, even when people are looking, are the ones you should never let go. Even though we are hundreds of miles away, and they are growing individually, these girls never grow too far apart from me.
Looking at everything they have done for me I think writing about them and sharing their amazing qualities is the least I can do.

Emily

If you want to meet a genuinely happy person; look no further. I could be sobbing, PMSing, throwing rocks, and yelling obscene things and Emily would still have a smile on her face. Whenever I'm sad (which has been the case recently) she will go to all ends to make sure I'm happier. I've never met someone who tries to show me all of the beautiful ways of life the way Emily does. Her thirst for knowledge never ceases, nor does she care that she enjoys intelligent conversations. Since 3rd grade Emily has stayed up until un-godly hours playing Guitar Hero, eating those little crappy Tostito's pizzas, choreographing dances to Hilary Duff, and just being plain weird with me. Even at 19 years old she stays true to herself with her Disney loving, cookie baking, dumb joke ways. Emily is also the person that you instantly like. I don't care who you are; you will love her. Some people just have that certain aura about them and brighten the room as soon as they walk in. Whatever she attempts to do she succeeds. It would be an understatement to say that this girl has shaped my life more than anyone else. Emily shows me that it's always best to be myself. Having a soul-mate isn't always about love. I believe you can find your soul-mate in a friend too, and that's what Emily is to me. We also have that friendship where we are just a little too close. Sometimes when I hang out with her I think to myself, "This girl is ridiculous", and that's why we are best friends. I just can't stop being friends with her because she knows too much.

I've been told several times that if we came out as a lesbian couple people wouldn't be surprised.   And that's okay with me. Lesbo couple for life.

"Okay?"
"Okay."

Alisann

So then there's this girl...You know that one friend who makes your problem their problem just so you won't have to deal with it alone? That's Alisann. I've  been best friends with her since 5th grade and we have had years apart, and years that were tightly knit together, but we always find our way back to each other. I've never met someone who loves fashion the way I do, obsesses over Kate Spade, or loves discovering knew places until I met Alisann. I've watched her grow into an amazing woman over the years who is so confident and loving. We always try new things together, like blogging, and it makes me admire her even more. Every new coffee shop, restaurant, or fashion style Alisann is always by my side. She shows me every day that I'm worth someone who loves every inch of me. "Our standards are higher than the price of our handbags". She is fabulously classy and I admire the elegance she emits whenever she walks into a room. I also love her because she always laughs at my jokes, which really aren't that funny, but she laughs anyway. She's the person who knows some dusty parts of my soul and still sticks around. We can do nothing and anything and still have the best time.

She also understand my overwhelming addiction with Grey's Anatomy. Even with her busy college schedule she never once hesitated to the idea of me visiting her or taking up a weekend to hang out.  She channels my inner diva.







Of course these short summaries could never serve these girls justice, but I felt in some way I had to show my appreciation, admiration, and love for them. We're the three best friends that anyone could have.

12 lessons my parents have taught me

 

1.   We choose happiness

       Since I can remember there has been one piece of advice that my parents would say to me, “You can only control how YOU act.” It’s not about how other people treat you; it’s about how you react to their actions. If we do what is right then that is all we can control. And I’m sure every parent has the same response to when their kids cry; “Is crying going to fix anything?” The truth is that crying won’t fix anything. But my parents also showed me that it’s okay to cry, as long as I don’t unpack in that state of emotion. It’s okay to feel, but then it’s time to move on and find a solution.

2.   I obviously didn't look everywhere

       I guarantee you didn't look “everywhere” when you are searching for that lost item. Because “things don’t just grow legs and walk away”.

3.   Be World Famous

       My dad would ritually tell his children to, “Be world famous” every day before school. What does that even mean? Like how does one achieve that kind of status when they have to attend their elementary class every day? As my age progressed so did the fundamental understanding of what my dad was trying to teach us. Be ourselves. Show the world how great we are. Get out there and shine. The expression is something I’m used to hearing, but I never took a minute to figure out why he would say that every morning. We would always respond, “You too” and then shut the door and skip off to the front steps of school. But looking back I realize how important it was to him that he told us every day how he perceived us. World Famous.

4.    Don’t show your bra straps

       “No one wants to see your bra straps hanging out.”

5.    Make funny faces

       It’s perfectly acceptable to see who can laugh the weirdest, make the craziest face in the mirror, or demonstrate the silliest dance move. When you’re driving in the car and a Hair Band song comes on you better turn that up and starting jamming out. “Who cares if people are watching? You will never see them again in your life”.  Also, dogs talk in baby voices. It’s always funny when someone hits their head on a cabinet, stubs their toe, or plows into the bathroom door because the hallway was too dark to tell that the door was closed. We need to be able to laugh at ourselves.

6.   Put oil in your spaghetti noodles

       They won’t stick together. Also, we shouldn't leave food out because ants will always come back. Don’t smack your food, look the waitress in the eye, and slow down because remember last time when you spilled your drink everywhere? Don’t bake cookies as long as the package says.

7.   If you clean up as you go you won’t have to deal with a huge mess later

       No kid has ever listened to that advice. Sorry mom and dad, my room still has coffee cups and clothes everywhere. And I don’t make my bed. It's a good concept though. 

8.   Follow your dreams

       I am always worried about my major. Whenever I tell people that I’m studying art and journalism I get that same cynical “are you sure that’s a good idea? Art is a dying field” look. I've confided in my mom several times that I want to change my major and I’m worried I won’t be able to find an avenue with that type of degree. Her response is always, “It’s not their life”. My passion is art and there are hundreds of avenues I can take my major. The term “artist” doesn't chain me to an easel or to the roof of a chapel. It doesn't confine me to painting my body silver and robot-ing in New Orleans (although that would be pretty sweet). Art is everywhere. Life is art. My mom has been the prime example of proving it’s okay to follow your passion.

9.   I don’t need Starbucks every day

       But, maaaaaaaaaahhhm.

10.  Stop Worrying

       We are given a life that we are supposed to live. The seventy or eighty years we are given is never going to be enough. But we have to pick ourselves up. Worrying about the future won’t change it.

11.  Put your phone away

       In our generation everyone is glued to their technology. Including me. My mom said, “One day you’ll look up and the days will have gone by. I would never have wanted to miss your first steps, parties, or graduations because I was too busy “tweeting” about them. Be in the now. Put your phone away and experience life. If someone is talking to you, put it away. If you’re visiting family, just put it away”.

12.  My parents were always right

       No one understands how I feel. You’re the meanest parent ever. [Fill in name here]’s parents let them do it! I know everyone has felt this way about their parents. I guess it never occurred to me that my parents went to high school too? They had their heart broken, got grounded, snuck out, and to be truthfully honest they grew up in the 80’s so I know for a fact they did some questionable things. Don’t even try to deny it. But it takes a while to realize that it’s because they did the exact same things they don’t want you to do them. No parent wants to see their kid’s heart broken. They don’t want us to fail geometry (even though they did). But they've been through those situations and that’s how they have the wisdom to give us advice. It took me quite some time to figure out my parents knew what they were talking about, but know they’re who I turn to for help. The other day I was explaining my revelation to one of my friend’s mom and she made me walk into her teenage boys room and repeat what I had said while she stood there fist pumping in the background. But it’s true: my parents were always right. Except that one time I won $49,000. It was NOT a time-share scheme.

I color myself...

It has taken me 19 years and 7 months to see my beauty. Of course there are different kinds of beauty; inner and outer. I am referring to my inner beauty. I know every girl struggles to feel pretty enough, wants to fit in, wants to be thin, etc. But it's taken me way too long to figure out, "Who the hell cares?" I like coffee, a little too much, and I like long conversations filled with emotion. I love the way people explode like fireworks when they talk about their passions. I love to make people laugh. I enjoy spending hours by myself at Barnes and Noble diving into new topics and ideas. Trying out new restaurants is literally a hobby of mine. I care more about food than my well being. I love getting lost and finding hidden treasures. I love to pretend I can sing. Half of the time I'm spinning fantasies in my mind; creating a blanket of how I wish people viewed me. I love cities I've never been to. I try to only draw realistic subjects because I believe in what I see. I love to listen, and I love to be listened to. 
It has taken me too long to realize that life isn't about trying to be interesting. Life is about discovering the reasons that you ARE interesting. 
I worry too much. 
I used to be afraid in losing things, I guess really I still am, because I thought that those parts of me would be lost too. But having empty spaces means there's room to grow. The empty spaces in me will attract so many beautiful ideas and people. 
Our spaces are just a little empty until the right things come along.