Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Perfect Man

I was recently asked what “the perfect guy” meant to me. What qualities would my dream guy have? What do I look for in a guy?
But I think the key word here is “guy”. I’m not looking for a guy; I’m looking for a man.
I’ve dealt with all kinds of guys; the jerk, the clinger, the cocky one. I’m just over it. I know it goes both way, like we can’t expect a guy to be a gentleman while we don’t act like ladies, but I’ve crossed that line of understanding what I’m worth and what I deserve. I’ve also dealt with enough boys to realize that I am past putting up with their childish ways. If you want me to be a part of your life then you have to make an effort. If a man isn’t ready for that then just don’t waste my time?
I do know that all I really want in a man is loyalty, friendship, adventure, and laughter.
I’m not asking for my life to be a Nicolas Sparks book, I realize that movies have given girls an unrealistic expectation for relationships, but it’s not hard to just be a nice person. And if you’re not ready to be kind and honest then just go be a douche bag somewhere else,  because if a man isn’t ready to be committed to a woman…then he shouldn't commit to a woman.
The perfect man to me is someone who cares. He cares about his family, or when he sees someone in pain, he cares about my feelings, and he cares about his own. The perfect guy likes to laugh until his stomach hurts. He likes coffee. He definitely likes to bring me coffee. He enjoys new ideas, new moments, and new adventures. But he also cherishes the inside jokes and routine date nights. The perfect guy is a thinker; he’s not bottled up in his own world. He pays attention to what I say, but most importantly he is interested. The perfect guy is honest. He doesn’t have to promise you the moon because when you’re with him he illuminates the darkness around you. He will never cheat on you physically or emotionally. The perfect guy makes you feel safe.
But the truth is; love is hard. The better you know someone the more flaws you are going to discover. That’s why the longer a relationships lasts, whether it be your child, husband, girlfriend, the harder it is to maintain what you felt in the beginning. You start to see their flaws; they don’t text you back for hours on end, or they interrupt you mid-sentence, but I think love is seeing all of these things and not jumping ship. It’s seeing someone’s darkness and creating light. But the terrible thing is, we build up this suit of armor to hide ourselves, all of our flaws, emotions, and then one stupid person has the ability to tear it all down and you’re left exposed. And while you’re exposed they gain the chance to either rip you apart or love you for what they see.
For the longest time I felt like I had to have another person to feel complete. I relied on my boyfriend to make me happy. I lost sight of the things I loved to do for me. It has taken me a very long time, too long in fact, to realize that I don’t need someone else. The only person who can make me truly happy is me. Loving a guy who ended up not loving me catalyzed into me loving myself. I loved him with everything inside of me, but I can’t force someone to feel the same way about me, and I shouldn’t have to. Don’t get me wrong; you don’t NEED someone else, but having someone who is there to hug you when you’re sad, be silly with, or just be utterly yourself is the best thing in the world to experience.
I guess the reason I’m writing this piece is to tell everyone that you’re more incredible than you realize. Your worth is not determined by how some asshole treated you. Everyone forgets how beautiful they are. I promise there is someone out there who will see your face and think beams of gold shine out of it. Someone is going to think you are the most amazing, perfect, and unbelievable person they have ever met. Just think about how much you loved the wrong person, and then try to realize how much more you’ll be able to love the right one. I’ve spent too many nights wondering why I wasn’t good enough for him to call me back, why I wasn’t pretty enough to be the only girl he noticed, why I wasn’t funny enough for him to laugh at my jokes. If you feel like that while dating a guy, it’s not that you aren’t good enough; he’s just not the right man for you. It took me a long time to figure out that all of those thoughts that haunted me were pure crap.
I didn’t believe in love. Maybe I was just too scared, or I had too many bad experiences, but I laughed at marriage or having a soul-mate. And then one person came along and had the most didactic way about him regarding love. Love is real. It may be different for everyone. People show love in the craziest of ways, simple gestures, grand gestures, maybe no gestures. But it’s always there.
There are so may kisses, laughs, late night coffee trips, new restaurants, rainy days, books to read, and smiles to crack.
There’s just so much life to live.
Please just try to realize that life goes on. My world stopped when I lost the guy I was in love with. Every single day I miss going to our favorite restaurant, singing our duets in the car, trying new flavors of cupcakes, and just having a best friend. Right now I’m feeling everything and nothing all at once. You can love a person, but at the same time all you want is to hate them. But all I can tell myself is there is so much more to experience. 
Life has so much to offer; it’s like this giant lemon, mostly sour, sometimes sweet, but we need to squeeze every freaking drop out of it. Just take the time to breath, explore, and love yourself.

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